Opening Up

Been steadily working on my sketches. It’s been a perfect motivational success. I sketch even when I don’t feel like it and I’m making some decent progress. Plus, it’ll feel really good when I’ve achieved the goal I set and get the sketchbook from Paris.

On a deeper note, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’d like to say in this blog. I’ve been exploring a lot since my family and I moved to Switzerland. This move meant quitting my job so my husband could take advantage of this great career opportunity and because well... Europe. I never thought I’d ever be able to visit, much less live here. Well, I expected this move to create pure and unadulterated happiness and give me all the time to pursue this long dreamed of idea of becoming an artist.

Always, I believed I was a victim of not enough time. As a wife, mother and working full time while also maintaining a household, sure, maybe I didn’t have a ton of time on my hands while we were living in Minnesota. Oh how surprised I was though when we arrived here, found our rental and settled in and I still didn’t have time for drawing. I wasn’t working, my daughter was in daycare and my husband brought her home for me. I logically knew I should have plenty of time to pursue my dream.

I began to do a lot of introspection and walk myself through some deep stuff about the way I thought about myself and the fact that ultimately, I’m the source of my own happiness. No one else even had the power to help me, I had to figure myself out. Honestly, I now believe it’s healthy to constantly be trying to improve and work forward. Self improvement goes a long way to feeling fulfilled and gives me a really solid foundation to work from every day. It’s also brought my husband and I closer, not that I ever felt like we weren’t before, but we’ve genuinely found more common ground and have stronger communication and understanding than we’ve ever had.

Through introspection and self-care I’ve realized my problem was genuinely never about how much time I had. I was getting in my own way because of deep feelings of embarrassment, an inability to believe I could finish something I started and a host of other deep seated emotional troubles. For some reason, the simple understanding that the lens I was looking through was utterly warped shook something loose and I was able to really start pulling myself together. Suddenly, I had hours piled on hours in a day to draw and research and still do all the mom and wife things. Keeping up the momentum isn’t always easy but I’m still pushing forward and always keeping busy.

I struggle a lot still with feeling shy and just saying what I mean. Finding my voice as an artist has also been work. This love of fairies, myth and all things that seem magical and mysterious gives me a direction to point in, but I’m still stumbling around trying to find my footing. Pretty sure there’s nothing wrong with that though, it’s all about the mindset and the work that goes in. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and enjoy spending my time trying to build a little space online I can feel pride in and just make me happy. Isn’t that all anyone wants? Safety, love and happiness.

So here's to your safety, love and happiness. Take Care :)

Stephanie 

Fairy Wing Studio